Took this three years ago today, shortly after I found out how come I was seeing flashes now and then, and yada yada ... the visual field in my left eye is distorted in a sort of doughnut shape and the color perception is fading - so I see colors differently with that eye; they're literally fading.
The years take their toll, do they not? In so many ways, I am not the woman I was three years ago ...
I am in some ways stronger, in some ways lessened. An innocence I didn't even know I possessed is now gone from me. I'm no longer as soft as I was. It makes me stronger but I have lost something of value as well. Learning what a person can get along without, physically and emotionally, is powerfully reassuring. That doesn't diminish the loss any, though. What's lost is still gone.
That I can do what I have to do when the time comes to do it, that I've done so, and that I can and will also cope with what yet lies ahead ... yes, I can; I have; I shall ... that's more strength than I knew I had. And I have a feeling I'm going to need every bit of it, and a lot more, before all is said and done.
There are times I have to patch that eye; those times will increase. Often I need to wear a ball-cap to protect it from bright lights. Close-up watching of fireworks is out for me, no sparklers on the Fourth of July for this woman. I'm wary of thunderstorms' lightning. 'Standard precautions' for me means avoiding bright lights, jostling crowds, and falls of any kind. It means wearing that ball-cap and having the patch handy at all times. It means constant vigilance. It means avoiding getting over-tired and/or over-stressed. It means when I'm working up on my roof I'd better not fall off.
I've learned caution, in more ways than one, because it's not just been my eye that's been an educating kind of thing these past few years.
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