People Know You Better Than You Think

People really do know you better than

 you think possible. 

The other day at work several of the

people I work for commented on the

fact that I was singing again. 

I hadn’t even realized that I had

stopped.


That was an eye-opener for me.

LABELS HAVE THEIR USES

2013 January 31 LABELS HAVE THEIR USES

As a general rule I’m not overly fond of labels, but they do have their uses. 

They’ve gotten a bad rap over the years because all too often nobody bothers to look past the label to the actual PERSON.  That, my friend, is just flat out all the way wrong.  Behind every label is a real live person who has thoughts, feelings, dreams, goals, challenges, and all the rest of it.  I’m a person.  You are a person.  Every single solitary one of us is a person in our own right. 

That said, labels exist for a reason and that reason is identification.  Not IDENTITY.  Identification is what we as individuals do every second of every day, every waking hour of our lives.  We identify everything around us all the time.  We paste labels on everything automatically.  If it’s a hundred degrees in the shade we label the day ‘hot’.  If we burn our fingers we identify the sensation as ‘pain’.  We use labels.  They’re useful.  Colors, sounds, smells, taste, touches are what we live by; they are our five senses and we register their input and plop an immediate label onto whatever it is. 

We experience ourselves and our world via our senses, labeled with the language that goes along with them, and most generally we each find it absolutely necessary to confirm with our own senses whether or not we want to use a certain label for a certain thing.  If someone tells us that something tastes nasty, we might possibly take their word for it, if they’ve proven reliable in the past.  More likely, we’ll have to confirm it for ourselves, taste the nasty stuff, and probably agree with them.  That’s just the way we are. 

Some labels can tell us things about ourselves.

Height, weight, eye color, hair color, gender, body shape are all labels. 

There are a plethora of physical tests to further refine the labels.  Someone may ‘have a bad heart’, or their BMI might be 17 or 20 or whatever, or they may be physically disabled in some way, say they have a bum leg.  The tests are innumerable; so are the labels. 

For the less physically apparent characteristics, tests have been developed and we are labeled according to how we score on the tests. 

IQ tests measure our native intelligence; we are labeled by our cognitive abilities in problem solving and how well we comprehend concepts.  Expectations based on these scores can impact us and everyone around us.  If someone scores a 90, for example, nobody expects them to perform to the same standards as someone who scores 140.

The MMPI is one test that can give us indications as to the health of our psyches, our minds (conscious and unconscious, or subconscious).  Performance results correspond to diagnostic possibilities and can be a guide for treatment plans.

MBTI testing is a way of labeling us according to our personality type.  It can identify how we focus attention and get our energy, how we perceive and take in information, our decision-making processes, and how we orient ourselves to the outside world.  The information regarding those four things is correlated and another label is plopped on us.  Me, I’m an INFJ so I don’t really expect anyone in the general population to be able to understand how I work or why I do what I do.  It’s useful that way.

Labels are required on just about every last thing we buy in our lives.  Some of us refer to them more than others when deciding what we want to buy, but they’re there. 

The world we live in is filled with labels of every description and we all use them every day.  All they do is aide our comprehension, give us definition, and help us identify things. 

In and of themselves labels do NOT constitute the be all and end all of any particular person or thing.  They can be used to indicate the make-up of what does constitute the contents of any package, be it animate or inanimate; they cannot BE those contents, only represent them.  A label does not create anything except perception in the person who interprets it.

That’s my point here. 

Labels exist because we could not exist without them.  They are to be used to help us to understand the world we live in and each other, not as a means by which we can figure out who to pick on next. 

A SIMPLE LITTLE SOMETHING FOR YOUR EVERYDAY PRETTIES

It's not fancy, but it's useful as all get-out.

 

 

 

 

For the things you want at your immediate fingertips when you're in a hurry to get out the door ... this is for your everyday needs, NOT for the stuff you want to keep vaulted. 

 

You can't tell it from these photos, but there's a ribbon tied to one of the rings for pierced earrings.

 

As I say, it's not fancy, but it's quite very handy for daily wear jewelry:  earrings, necklaces, bracelets, and rings (which hang on a hook of their own attached to the side).

 





DRIFTWOOD AND ROOTS

 

NATURALLY PROCESSED WOOD IS AMAZING

 

 

Some are driftwood, some roots, one is a chunk I was going to burn until I looked at it again...!

 

 

These are some of the pieces I've gotten sealed with poly semi-gloss.  They're displayed in a three foot square box, to give you an idea of their size.  I'll incorporate them into sculptures, most of them to be used for hanging jewelry on.  A couple of them will go into paintings.

 

 

And off to work on them I go!

 

Stepping Up To The Plate

'Stepping up to the plate' is an Americanism that comes from the game of baseball when a batter steps up to home plate. 

Its meaning has morphed into someone who, when necessary, is willing to 'go to bat' for a good cause. 

Now, you never know what might happen when you step up to that plate. 

A wild pitch might just hit you in the face at a hundred miles an hour and knock the life right out of you. 

You might strike out. 

You might walk. 

You might get a hit and then the next guys strike out and nothing comes of it. 

You might hit a single and the next guys will get hits and the team will score. 

You might get one whale of a good hit and the outfielder will catch it at the edge of the stands. 

You might zing off a foul ball. 

You might hit to the infield and get tagged out at first base, or to the outfield and get tagged out at any base. 

And you might hit a home run with bases loaded. 

You just never know. 

If you never step up to the plate you'll never find out. 

A LITTLE DBT COMES IN HANDY NOW AND THEN

2013 January 16 DIALECTICAL BEHAVIORAL THERAPY

Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) combines cognitive and behavioral therapy, incorporating methodologies from various practices including Eastern mindfulness techniques.

Below are some good reminders of skills we can all put to good use on a regular basis. 

Step back from a troublesome situation.  Believe me, it won't go anywhere without you.  Use some of the below tools.  Find your center and your balance and hang on tight because troublesome situations are demanding.

WHAT and HOW will ground us as we are reminded to pay attention to exactly what bothers us and how we are approaching it.  This is Mindfulness.  In other words use your mind.  It’s more powerful than you may think. 

Distress Tolerance keeps anxiety at bay.  ACCEPTS can put a crisis into perspective.  IMPROVE reminds us that things have not always been and will not always be the way they are at this moment.  Using all five of our SENSES can get us into THIS moment, completely within our own selves and blocking disturbances for only just a moment, to give us back the knowledge that we ARE our own selves and NOT the immediate ‘situation’.  A swift PRO/CON will help us evaluate and probably adjust our actions/reactions.  We need to be WILLING to use these things, to be able to TURN our minds from what ‘comes naturally’, and to be ready to ACCEPT that it’s okay.

Regulating EMOTIONS is not impossible.  We can reduce our vulnerability with PLEASE.  We can Build on a foundation of positive experiences and become the masters of our own choices.  We can be aware of our own emotions and act in direct opposition to what they seem to be telling us (i.e. when they tell us we’re angry and to lash out, we can choose to be calm instead).

INTERPERSONAL issues can be effectively dealt with.  DEAR MAN can help us to remain objective.  GIVE is a good way to cope with relationships of all kinds.  FAST has to do with your own self-respect, which is crucial to being able to implement everything else.

The above is a nutshell review of the below. 

Each skill can be practiced individually but they all work together.  Some of us will use some of the skills more than others, but there are plenty for everyone; we can use the ones that work best for us and pick up others as needed.

The bottom line:  To Thy Own Self Be True

Overview of DBT skills   MINDFULNESS The What Skills: ·  Observe ·  Describe ·  Participate The How Skills:   ·  Non-judgmental   ·  One-mindful   ·  Effective   DISTRESS TOLERANCE Crisis Survival: Distraction with Accepts ·  A Activities ·  C Contributing ·  C Comparisons ·  E Emotions - use opposite ·  P Pushing Away ·  T Thoughts ·  S Sensations Self Soothe with five senses: ·  Taste ·  Smell ·  See ·  Hear ·  Touch Improve the moment: ·  I Imagery ·  M Meaning ·  P Prayer ·  R Relaxation ·  O One thing at a time ·  V Vacation ·  E Encouragement Pros and Cons Accepting Reality: Willingness Turning your mind Radical Acceptance   EMOTION REGULATION       Reduce Vulnerability: (Please) ·  P & L Treat Physical Illness ·  E eating ·  A Altering Drugs (no drugs unless it is medication to be taken as prescribed by your doctor) ·  S Sleep ·  E Exercise Build Mastery Build Positive experiences Be mindful of current emotion Opposite to emotion action   INTERPERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS Objectiveness effectiveness: (Dear Man) ·  D Describe ·  E Express ·  A Assert ·  R Reinforce ·  M Mindful ·  A Appear Confident ·  N Negotiate Relationship Effectiveness: (Give) ·  G Gentle ·  I Interested ·  V Validate ·  E Easy Manner Self-respect effectiveness: (Fast) ·  F Fair ·  A Apologies (no Apologies) ·  S Stick to value ·  T Truthful

 

Antique Cooking

One of my goals for this winter is to use the antique cookstove that's in my antique kitchen for COOKING. 

I want to see if I can learn at least the basics of putting together a meal without using modern appliances. 

Since I only fire up the wood stove when it's cold enough to warrant it (usually not unless it's below zero out there) AND when I happen to have a day off from work - which two criteria haven't seemed to match up very well so far *sigh* - I haven't had a lot of chance for experimentation.

The photo above is today's experiment:  au gratin potatoes with bacon. 

Baked in the deep cast iron skillet (as opposed to the ones of normal depth) without the cover, they turned out tastier than I had any right to expect. 

Then I made biscuits too. 

Not being sure of myself, and not wanting to ruin ALL the biscuits, I did half of them in the electric oven in the new kitchen and half of them in the old kitchen. 

Until I remember to bring the oven temp gauge over from my sister's, I have to kind of guess at whether or not the oven is at the right temperature. 

For the potatoes it didn't really matter that much, but for the biscuits I wanted to see how close I could get by guessing. 

When I put the biscuits in to cook, the gauge thingy on the front of the oven read about one and a half.  It goes up to nine but I've never gotten my stove hot enough to get that high.  I had kind of wanted to go with two, but ... the two sets of biscuits went into their separate ovens at the same time and the old one was at one and a half so I just went with it. 

The result was better than I could have anticipated; the finished biscuits were indistinguishable from each other! 

The only difference was that I SHOULD have waited until the wood stove got up to two - the set of bicuits in that stove took a couple of minutes longer to get done.

So I have learned something today.  

Bake biscuits at two on the dial. 

Another thing I've learned today:  I CAN do it! 

At least, so far I can. 

I'm not ready to try a cake yet. 

Or bread. 

But I'll get there!

Google versus Gramma: Looking For The Chickens: Gramma Wins

Once in a while I'll have a dream that sticks with me for one reason or another. 

This one was just a short little thing, and the reason it sticks in my mind is that it's funny. 

At the beginning of this dream we are out at the farm.  I don't know whose farm, nor where it is, but there we are.  It's sort of like my sister's place, but not exactly.

The children, about a half dozen of them of differing ages, younglings between say two and seven, are gathered together, sitting in a tight circle out between the barn and the house. 

They've got their heads together and in their hands are their phones and other little electronic gadgets. 

A simple narrative and descriptive essay won't quite cut the mustard in telling about this dream. 

Gramma must do a little explaining. 

One of the things that must be explained is that when a Gramma sees a half dozen younglings who are not running around like chickens with their heads cut off but have said heads all together perfectly still in a circle, that Gramma must needs find out what's going on, as trouble, or at least excitement, of some kind either has been brewed or is being brewed.

Therefore, said Gramma, being myself, hies her thither to the cluster of younglings to find out what they're up to, or have been up to, as it is not natural for younglings, especially THESE younglings whom she knows so well, to be sitting so still on a beautiful warm sunny summer day at the farm. 

Upon approaching the small group, I see that small fingers are rapidly flying over even smaller keyboards, touching tiny keys that are almost too small for my eyes to register but the little ones have no such trouble at all finding the ones they want. 

Mutterings and exclamations of dismay punctuate the otherwise quiet group, and my curiosity is aroused as I get closer yet. 

Nobody has noticed that I'm anywhere in the vicinity, all intent on whatever they're doing, so up I walk plain as day and hear part of what they're muttering and exclaiming about. 

It seems they're looking for something on line, and there are references to Google, and searches, and Earthnet, and someone says something about chickens, which doesn't fit in with much of anything else they're saying. 

'Whatcha doing?' I ask as I get right up to them. 

They all startle as though I'd snuck up on them out of the blue and banged on a cymbal. 

Away go the electronics into pockets as though I couldn't see them putting them away. 

Wide innocent eyes of different shades of blue, and medium brown, and dark brown, look up at Gramma. 

'Nothing,' comes in a chorus of differently pitched voices.  'Just sitting here.'

'Mm-hm.' 

And then the story comes out. 

These younglings are absolutely no good at keeping secrets, especially from Gramma. 

Turns out they had been playing in the chicken coop, forgot to latch the gate, and all the chickens got out. 

'So what are you all sitting in this circle for?'

'We're looking for the chickens.' 

Not being one to discourage children, especially younglings of my own flesh and blood, from creativity, I don't blink an eye at this. 

'Are you having any luck?'

'No.  We were going to see if we could find Duke to help us, but we can't find him, either.  He's bigger than the chickens, you see, and should be easier to find.'

'I see.' 

'But we can't find him,' they say sadly.  'And we can't find the chickens, either.  Are we in trouble?' 

Much as I want to, I do not laugh. 

'Show me how you were planning on looking for them,' I say. 

So out come the electronics again, a variety that they pull from their pockets. 

'Well Gramma,' they tell me solemnly, 'Here's how it works.  When you want to find out something you Google it, and search the web, and you find it, because the web knows EVERYTHING.  You can find anything on the web.  You just have to look.' 

'Well.  Let's see what you've got here, okay?'

And they show me. 

They've been googling to beat the band, searching their little hearts out, without the slightest bit of success, and they're baffled, confused, and getting a little scared because they can't find the chickens or even Duke. 

They've got all kinds of interesting sites about farms and chickens pulled up, and a bunch of nobility stuff regarding Duke, and even a pretty good bird's eye view of THIS farm. 

'But,' they tell me, 'we can't zoom in enough to be able to see the chickens.' 

'Ah, I see,' sez I.  'You do have a bit of a problem here, don't you?'

'Can you help us, Gramma?'

They're obviously dubious but being polite little things they go ahead and ask Gramma, because even though they don't think she can do any better than they can (and honestly, they're MUCH better), it's always nice to ask old people for help because it makes them feel good. 

So Gramma, being myself, agrees to try to help and emits a shrill whistle that makes all the younglings jump and then get to their feet to gather around Gramma in case she falls over in a fit or something as she might be going crazy right in front of their eyes. 

'Are you okay?' they ask. 

'I'm fine,' answers Gramma.  'I'm just looking for Duke.' 

And sure enough, here comes Duke, galloping toward them from the trees. 

Eyes round in amazement, and the younglings stare at Gramma. 

At an almost invisible signal, Duke sits at Gramma's feet and pants loudly, dripping dog drool onto one of her work boots. 

Gramma clucks like a chicken, makes a circle in the air with her hand, and makes a little shooing motion to Duke, who immediately charges off and can be seen running through the trees, back and forth. 

In a little while the chickens all come running out of the trees with Duke behind them, heading for their chicken coop. 

'Best go open the gate,' Gramma tells the younglings, who charge off ahead of the chickens to open the gate. 

'And close it when they're all in there,' adds Gramma, although nobody can hear her by now. 

Once the chickens are secured and Duke is happily playing fetch with the younglings, up comes the oldest of them to Gramma. 

'Thank you for helping us,' she says.  'We never knew you could do that!' 

'Well, life is full of surprises,' sez Gramma, who is me. 

'No kidding!', says the youngling.  'Can we do that again so I can video it?  Otherwise nobody's going to believe we have a Gramma who's better than Google.'

'Oh, I don't think that's a good idea.  The chickens are probably pretty tired, you know.  They're better off just staying at home in their coop for a while.'

And for a very long time after that, the younglings looked at Gramma just a little differently, with maybe a bit of awe.

And so ends the dream.  I have to say it was a nice little dream, and very fun, as I don't get to spend as much time with the younglings as I would like. 

Compassion Fatigue Awareness Project Self-Test

Sometimes simply being aware that there's a bonified REASON for how you're feeling, and knowing that you aren't alone, helps you get through some rough times. 

Here's a self-test that might be an eye-opener.

Remember that YOU are the one who knows your own self best; as you go through the list below, just be honest with yourself.  There aren't any rights or wrongs here, just honesty.

Compassion Fatigue Self-Test:
An Assessment

Assign one of these numbers to each one of the questions below:

Responses: 1 = Almost Always   2 = Sometimes   3 = Rarely

                     

1. When people get upset, I try to smooth things out.

                        

2. I am able to listen to other's problems without trying to "fix" them and/or take away their pain.

                        

3. My self-worth is determined by how others perceive me.

                        

4. When I am exposed to conflict, I feel it is my fault.

                        

5. I feel guilty when others are disappointed by my actions.

                        

6. When I make a mistake, I tend to be extremely critical of myself.  I have difficulty forgiving myself.

                        

7. I usually know how I want other people to treat me.

                        

8. I tell people how I prefer to be treated.

                        

9. My achievements define my self-worth.

                       

10. I feel anxious in most situations involving confrontation.

                       

11. In relationships, it is easier for me to "give" than to "receive".

                       

12. I can be so focused on someone I am helping that I lose sight of my own perceptions, interests and desires.

                        

13. It is hard for me to express sadness.

                       

14. To make mistakes means that I am weak.

                       

15. It is best to not "rock the boat" or "make waves."

                       

16. It is important to put people at ease.

                       

17. It is best not to need others.

                       

18. If I cannot solve a problem, I feel like a failure.

                       

19. I often feel "used up" at the end of the day.

                       

20. I take work home frequently.

                       

21. I can ask for help but only if the situation is serious.

                       

22. I am willing to sacrifice my needs in order to please others.

                       

23. When faced with uncertainty, I feel that things will get totally out of control.

                        

24. I am uncomfortable when others do not see me as being strong and self-sufficient.

                       

25. In intimate relationships, I am drawn to people who are needy or need me.

                       

26. I have difficulty expressing my differing opinion in the face of an opposing viewpoint.

                       

27. When I say "no," I feel guilty.

                       

28. When others distance from me, I feel anxious.

                       

29. When listening to someone's problems, I am more aware of their feelings than I am of my own feelings.

                       

30. I find it difficult to stand up for myself and express my feelings when someone treats me in an insensitive manner.

                       

31. I feel anxious when I am not busy.

                       

32. I believe that expressing resentments is wrong.

                       

33. I am more comfortable giving than receiving.

                       

34. I become anxious when I think I've disappointed someone.

                       

35. Work dominates much of my life.

                       

36. I seem to be working harder and accomplishing less.

                       

37. I feel most worthwhile and alive in crisis situations.

                       

38. I have difficulty saying "no" and setting limits.

                       

39. My interests and values reflect what others expect of me rather than my own interests and values.

                       

40. People rely on me for support.

             If your responses contained fifteen or more 1's, guess what. 

For the record, I answered with a number 1 to 26 of the above.   Some of my responses kind of surprised me; to tell the truth, I was a little disappointed in myself.

In a couple of months, I'll re-take the test to see if anything has changed. 

Meanwhile, also for the record, I'm finding that it is indeed a great relief to know that no I'm NOT losing my mind, that there ARE legitimate reasons for most of what I've been experiencing, and that the choices I've begun to make for myself DO help! 

 

I can already feel the difference!