Monday, August 9, 2021

Sure Ways to Tell a True Coloradan ...

[image is acrylic on a 100 year old cedar shake salvaged when replacing the shingles on a roof]

The following doesn't just apply to Coloradans, but to plenty of other folks as well.

It's a response to an article published by Out There Colorado which consisted of a list the likes of which, while newcomers to our state might heartily endorse it, is cringeworthy.

I cut this list off at fifty although I could have kept going and going and going.

You might be a true Coloradan IF ...

1. You learned what a buzzing rattler means at age two.

2. The first taste you remember loving is home made ice cream, have tasted the cold salty water, and turned the crank handle.

3. As a little kid, you've tromped around the house in Grandad's boots that come up to your thighs.

4. The first lesson you remember learning is to NEVER go out to check the cattle and horses without certain things.

5. You've found your way out to the remains of the homestead of your great-great-great grandparents. (what generation you're in determines how many *greats* you use)

6. You know what a kiva is and why they're important.

7. You know the value of high ceilings.

8. You've watched your town's beautiful old buildings go empty.

9. Seeing outsiders riding high and sassy kind of gets your goat at times.

10. Some of your friends' families have been here literally countless generations while yours is still *new* with only seven.

11. Your grandmother kept the ranch while your grandad went off to find paying work during the Great Depression.

12. You know that Santa Fe Trail Days are a celebration of conjoined cultures, people who have made it work despite (perhaps because of) differences.

13. Your horse, of his own volition, cut a troublemaker out of a *herd* and wouldn't let that boy get back to his friends - and I'm talking people here, not steers.

14. The power of a 360 degree sunrise or sunset makes you stop whatever you're doing and just absorb it.

15. You laugh at stories told by your dad and uncles about drunk hogs and a cow's leg coming through the ceiling of their bedroom.

16. An old rancher from clear across the state immediately *adopts* you because he knows who your grandfather is.

17. There is no better water in the world than what comes from the well at the *home place* that a water witch pinpointed way back when. A close second is a mountain spring coming out of the ground at about ten thousand feet.

18. You know the taste, and the smell, of fear - and you do what you have to do anyway, since quitting just because you're scared ain't an option.

19. The palms of your hands are well-calloused and you still get blisters sometimes.

20. You know what those glass gallon jugs covered with burlap are for, the ones hanging on some of the fence posts out in the middle of nowhere.

21. Turning your boots upside down and whopping them a couple of times before you put them back on is second nature.

22. Wiping sweat out of your eyes makes you cuss and smile at the same time. The cussing is because it kind of burns; the smile is because, if you have to wipe the sweat, that means it's not evaporating immediately so you know the weather's not as hot and dry as it *could* be.

23. You fully comprehend and appreciate the concept of *siesta*.

24. The dangers of green chili are to be respected, and you know to have a dish of ice cream with it.

25. You can't remember the last time you didn't cold camp.

26. One of your favorite activities is driving up and down a canyon, or an open road for that matter, at different times of the day, just to see how much it *changes* between full dark, dawn, and dusk, and from opposite directions.

27. You've had to figure out a way to turn around at a crick crossing because a flash flood made it impassible.

28. You know that day and dark kind of ease their way in, out on the prairie. In the mountains, it's more of an abrupt transition. Plan accordingly.

29. When you're out in the wide open spaces, it's harder for weather to *sneak up on you*. You'll feel it coming a good while before you actually see it in the distance.

30. Orienting yourself in terms of time and direction by using the sun, moon, and stars is automatic. Otherwise you'd need a watch and a compass.

31. You know how to cope with just about any type of situation, and fix any number of unorthodox problems, mainly because you've had to figure so much out the hard way, all by your lonesome, when there was nobody else around at the moment and it had to be done. 

32. You're fiercely independent but totally love everyone around you.

33. Self-sufficiency is a survival tool.

34. You tend to prepare ahead of time for countless eventualities, because you never know what's around the next bend so to speak. So you've got Plan A, Plan B, Plan C, Plan D, Plan E, Plan F, Plan G - and can mix and match them at will if need be.

35. You fret about crops, calves, and coyotes - not about how much powder the ski slopes have or whether someone's hat matches their snowboard.

36. You smile and wave at everyone you see - because they either have been there when you needed them (and vice versa) or will be if necessary.

37. The people in your immediate vicinity are of at least four different colors (and blends thereof), have a wide variety of personal lifestyle choices, diverse income levels - and none of those things matter so long as you pitch in and have a decent attitude.

38. Your work vehicle is liable to carry multiple scratches, dents, dust and/or dried mud, along with a wide assortment of tools, a bunch of rocks, extra gas, oil, coolant, and a gallon of drinking water. Also probably a bedroll just in case.

39. You've fallen into a cactus and learned to WEAR your gloves, not just keep them hanging out of your back pocket all the time. This will also teach you the value of wearing sturdy jeans and boots, even if they're hot.

40. You've dipped a hatful of water out of a stock tank and dumped it over your head.

41. You know full well that dogs and horses understand you better than you do.

42. You know which soapweed buds are going to taste like garden peas and which ones are going to taste like soap.

43. Too many people in the same place at the same time for too long gets on your nerves.

44. You have a deep pity for urban-dwellers, but draw the line when they get obnoxious for no good reason.

45. Your grandparents taught you that if you really need to talk to God, the ranch is the best place for it. Church is good, but if you want that *alone time* with God, go out to where there's nobody else around except for maybe a few of His other critters who aren't going to tell anyone if you cry.

46. You have a legacy to live up to. So you do your best, don't give up when you hit the dirt, and keep on keeping on no matter what.

47. You wear your hat to keep the sun out of your eyes and your head halfway protected, or maybe to swat somebody with, not as an accessory to your outfit.

48. Good Mexican cuisine is beyond compare, and when you find someone who can make a proper tortilla you've found a treasure. Get them to teach you how.

49. You know the way to your favorite mountain places, and they probably aren't on the Front Range.

50. You know to slow down BEFORE the pavement ends.