That's WHY

In response to those who question me as to my motivation, who want to know what's in it for me, whose primary curiosity appears to concern why I'm wasting my time on a project that isn't going to make me a million dollars, or even contribute in a major way to the running of my household, I say this:  I want to and that's enough. 

But, they say, it doesn't make sense.  It makes sense to me, say I. 

To those who wish me to justify myself, I rarely respond.  My talents are few and inconsequential; however, they are mine to do with as I choose.  That's something I don't take for granted. 

For a very long time, one of the cruelties of the (now-ex) man in my life was to denigrate and ridicule every creative impulse I allowed to surface.  The words still rose inside of me, refusing to be stifled, but I kept them to myself.  Yet, even then, I wrote. 

So when people ask me why, how can I say, "I must!" and let it go at that?  People need reasons for everything.  No matter that this is my business, as much a part of my life as most people's careers.  No matter that its value; the intrinsic nature off which confounds the mercenary mind and challenges the pragmatist; its value surpasses that of a fortune. 

I can live in relative comfort without a fortune.  I cannot live in any comfort at all without words and color.  Those who will, or would, leave a legacy of dollars to their heirs, or who would devote their time, thought, energy, and full attention to accumulating money and possessions are justified in their goals and aspirations.  I do not question their reasoning; it is obvious. 

My goals and aspirations, what my motivation is, what I want to achieve, are less overt; therefore, questioned.  I use words and color because it is my nature to do so.  The resources I have at my disposal are limited; my gifts to those I love are, of necessity, creative rather than expensive. 

As a work of love, I put time, thought, energy, and often a great deal of attention into this project;  its value, my motivation, what's in it for me, the WHY of the question, lies exclusively in that love; past, present, future. 

No, I'm not rich, nor do I want to be particularly.  Yet the internal wealth of knowing the love, the strength, the individual and collective survival and life skills of all the women whose choices led to me being here, to each of us being the women we are - to you who ask me WHY - it's acknowledement to those who came before and will follow. 

That's WHY. 

Ask me no more.