Every year just before this day ... 9-11 ... people begin remembering ... call me crazy if you choose but raw emotion in others really does affect me. By now I of course have come to expect it and can sort of kind of prepare as best I can for the 'onslaught'. And yes I am fully aware of the fact that to 98% of the world it sounds like utter drivel. I'm okay with that even if you aren't.
No other event anniversary is anything like this one.
This is the only day of the year I actually find the self-centered 'It's all about me' people who yammer on Facebook about the most inane things of their little lives (important to them, of course, but generally only irritating for me to hear about constantly) a welcome relief.
While the rest of the world mourns our losses, remembering fresh the events and the unholy impact of that day and of others since, these few remain cocooned in their own little things, and I'm shocked to find myself relieved at those little bits of selfish trivia.
The power of the emotions of our world, which ought to sear my soul with pain, is surprising me this year. Yes the pain is there - it will always be - but somehow this year it's got a different feel to it.
This year it's under-laid and overlaid with something else. It took me a bit to figure out what it is. It's got the same sort of tone to it that roared that day - through the pain and shock and grief was American determination, united for once across all barriers. On that day we were simply and completely Americans. Race, religion, gender, life choices, whatever irks us about one another ... on that day they flat out didn't matter. On that day the United States had no hyphens.
Today's sensation, not last night's but today's, bears that same sort of feeling. I think the difference is that it's not just the United States this time.
Overwhelmingly, I feel from the entire world that strength. Perhaps it's the trigger of 9-11 that brings an awareness of it, I don't know - but I feel the strength building I surely do. As this day advances, people are remembering, and they're thinking not only of 9-11-2001 but of today as well. They're remembering and thinking not only of the Twin Towers but of other places as well.
And, you know, there's not a whole lot of fear in there, not overall. There's rage, but the rage isn't hot and burning. It's cold and deadly and very very dominant. Not unreasoning rage because there's plenty of reason for it. It's as though we're all, all of us, coming to a decision about something. With the steadiness of purpose comes that feeling of strength.
Oh, I'm not explaining this very well and I know it. I'm not sure I CAN find the words for it. But sure as sure can be today is different from the other years.
I'm getting a calm feeling, coming from all over. Not because people have forgotten but because they haven't. Not because they don't care but because they do care - in some kind of whole new way. Russia, China, Africa, South America, Europe, oh Canada's heart is stern and almost harsh in it's emotion, India, Australia, the British Isles have steel in their eyes on this day, and in their backs, the Isles of the world on this day are steady on, Scandinavia I think feels her power, the might of her ancestors rising ... and I smile inside of myself because We the People of the United States, if we have any sensing of our greater world, are going to soon become aware of our place in the circle of it, if we aren't already.
And no, not ALL are a part of this bigger stronger circle, but we are enough. We are enough. From all around our globe of a world comes this sensation, like a glow of some kind. It is countered, yes - challenged. But is by far the most dominant feeling I'm getting from this day.
For the 98% who think me daft I will grant that perhaps it's no more than wishful dreaming on my part. If dream it is, it is one of such authority that I could not say it nay if I wanted to. Believe me, it is not what I expected to find on this day, but here it is - full-fledged and rising. It will be opposed but it will not fail. It will not fail.
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