Tears Rise, Course, Drop

Two things that I can identify are keeping me awake on this night.

One are the tears that will not stop.

The other is wondering where we are in the turning of the Wheel and the spinning of the Spiral. 

The two are connected, I know that; both have been on my mind.

Today I was making small wooden disks into things to use at some of my promotional events - and thinking about the double spiral.

Here's a sampling of the disks:

See the ones shaped like teardrops, or maybe raindrops?

Those represent the healing properties of tears, in particular the tears we weep for someone else. It is in the tears we weep for another that our own healing really begins.

As for the turning of the Wheel and the Spiral, here's what I had in the back of my mind all day today:

And I find myself wondering where we are on that double twist. 

Are we only just at the turning point, or are we closer to where the original Spiral 'began' than we think? If the former, are we as a 'civilization' going to have to once again follow all of the turns to get back to the 'beginning' - I sure hope not. 

Well no, it oughtn't to really matter to me, right? I'll be long gone ... but still ... it would kind of suck to have to retrace all the stuff that we as a race of beings just got done with - relatively speaking.

Maybe that's part of what brought the tears on tonight, who knows? 

Thinking about what our past generations have gone through is fresh in my mind as I prepare to (finally) write the last of the 'Mamm Books' and the Alianora set begins to take shape.

The sets within the series, and the times the will take place in, are of course all troubling to think about.

Is there ANY time frame in human history that isn't troubling to think about?

I don't think so.

How come is it that 'we' can be so darned smart about stuff and so bloody stupid at the exact same time? 

What good are all of the 'advances' if we're killing ourselves from the inside out?

It's that twist in the double spiral thing.

Here we are bopping right along in so many areas and the Spiral is spinning and spinning to beat the band - taking us all along for the ride ... but are we even heading the right direction any more?

What the heck.

If we keep this up, we're gonna end up right back where we started, only this time there will be no place to go. 

Not so sure I like the sound of that much.

The Spiral is supposed to go out and out and never stop. 

Have we managed to twist it so that now we're just going around and around, turning the Spiral in on itself?

What are we going to do when we get 'back to the beginning'? 

Where the heck are we going to go from there?

Phooey.

No wonder the tears won't stop.

Am I weeping for us, for the ones who came before us with a legacy dearly bought, or for those who will follow us and will have to try to cope with what we have wrought?  

SPIRAL-ING

The spiral may be the oldest symbol known to man. It appears all over the world, through many MANY eras and cultures. You'd be shocked. You WILL be shocked when you take the time to look it up and find out for yourself.

Those who may be familiar with some of my work will know that the spiral's significance, to me, is deeper than simply a pretty design. 

In the course of my research have been many references to the spiral and what it may or may not have meant to those who have used it in their designs over the course of humanity.

We know it as PHI, a mathematical name for 1.618033988...; we know it as The Golden Ratio, The Golden Mean, The Divine Proportion, Fibonacci - they all mean the same thing.

The spiral is balance. Not too little, not too much. 

BALANCE.

It is also circular in effect although essentially triangular in the nature of its design. 

Now, me being me, I find this sort of thing fascinating. You, of course, probably don't. Bear with me anyhow for a bit here.

The wheel of time goes 'round and 'round. What has been will again be; what will be has already been; what is has both already been and will again be. The wheel goes 'round and 'round and 'round.

More often than a person would think, people ask me what I believe will happen, given current circumstances. Truly, they do. Don't ask me WHY they do, simply making conversation perhaps.

Regardless, I have no more answers than anyone else does. IF we had a complete chronicle of our world from the Beginning through the present, we MIGHT be able to make a stab at figuring out what might come next. We have no such records, although we do have some pretty smart people who are learning more and more all the time. 

Since obviously nobody KNOWS for certain, the next question is inevitably, 'Well, what do you THINK?'

I don't know what to think. I barely have a grasp on what's been going on in this world of ours as I try to avoid too much exposure to reports of all the horrors so many of us are doing our best to cope with. The few times I allow myself to 'feel' it all, the sensation is one of ... well, of horror. Being as that's not exactly a good feeling, you can bet your bottom dollar I do my best to not go there too very often. 

At the same time, there's an overwhelming tenderness that I DO try to 'tune in to' as often as I can. The good news is that it outweighs the horror - truly - it's just not as 'news-worthy'.

In 1927 Max Erhmann said, in Desiderata: With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. The words hold true today as well. Read the whole of Desiderata once in a while. You need it and it will help you. Trust me on this one.

Meandering around in my head, I find myself taking a path that leads into a double spiral. Where one leaves off the other begins. 

And I find myself wondering.

What WILL come next?

What will the rest of our lives consist of and what will the lives of our children and grandchildren be like, and those generations who are yet far down the road?

Again, I don't know. Nobody really knows.

But when I feel for the future, there's a sense of strength there, and of our children and grandchildren standing. 

STANDING.

My daughters have asked me at different times, 'Mom, how come WE didn't get your little feet? How come WE didn't inherit your thin little bones?'

And I laugh.

Then the laughter dies in my throat.

'You are going to need those 'big feet' and those strong bones. One day you are going to have to take your stand, and hold it, and you are going to need the stability those feet and bones of yours provide.'

Of course, it's entirely figurative, because chances are the stand they will have to take isn't going to have a whole lot to do with their ability to physically brace and balance themselves.

Me, I'm just a Little Old Gramma Lady who lives in a Tumble-down Cottage on Main Street of Small Town USA. I have no claim to fame and am not the smartest person in the world (for which I thank God every time I realize it). I'm just me and that's good enough.

The Baby Boomer generation barely includes me. I don't have to tell anybody what all that generation has done. It's all documented out there somewhere; all you have to do is go look. From some of the most astonishing advances to some of the most boneheaded stupid things in the history of mankind, the Boomers have made their mark on the world as we know it.

And the world as we know it is changing so fast it's impossible for this woman to keep up. Things that were science fiction when I was a youngling are now fact. 

I can't wrap my head around all the changes that are going to happen during the lifetimes of my daughters, let alone what things are going to be like for the generations down the road a piece. I hope and pray they pay attention and learn as they go.

I fear for them.

The wheel of time goes 'round and 'round.

The spiral, symbol of Balance, goes 'round and 'round. 

We get to choose, each and all, for our own individual selves, our reactions to the Who, What, When, Where, Why, and How that our lives throw at us. Most, if not all, of us have made some abysmal choices in our time. Me being the prime example. And no I'm not going to get into all of THAT right now. You don't have time and I don't have inclination.

The point is that we don't KNOW from one day to the next, from one hour to the next, sometimes from one moment to the next, what is going to be thrown at us. No matter how hard we try to control what happens in our lives, there's certain sure going to be times when we get taken by surprise and have the wits shocked right out of us. Me, I've only got one wit left to me so I guard it as carefully as possible.

If we knew ahead of time what was coming down the pike toward us, we could probably prepare for it at least a little.  

Pray for the best and prepare for the worst. That's something I've heard for most of my life - and I'm not too sure I've been very good at following it. 

Still, let's think on it for a minute.

Let's say we as a People 'get it' that the wheel of time, and the spiral, go 'round and 'round. We don't have ALL the information in the whole wide world, but we have SOME of it.

I'm no scholar and there's a lot of recorded history I've never in my life heard of, and don't expect I ever will hear of most of it unless it's somehow connected to the research I do for my books, or unless I come across it by accident (which has been known to happen and I tell ya there's some VERY interesting stuff out there that I never in this world could have imagined).

BUT - and here we are at the center of the spiral - my own world and what history I have made in this my own little life, makes up the spiral of MY life - just as your own personal history makes up the spiral of yours. See, there's that choice thing. We might not get to choose all of the Who, What, When, Where, Why, and How of our lives but we DO get to choose our reactions.

So my little life spirals out and intersects with yours in one way or another, right?

Right.

And our little spirals are part of bigger ones, which in turn are parts of still bigger ones, and so it goes ... the entire Creation is connected by the spirals of each and all - even the dinosaurs connect to my life and to yours when it comes right down to it.

What in bloody blue blazes is this woman going on about?

heh heh

I can hear the frustration - get to the effing point already, willya?

Okay, the point is that this spiral thing we're all living in/on is going to turn 'round and 'round and 'round; there's no way to stop it or change it. Good follows bad follows good follows bad and the balance is somehow maintained.

All we, any of us, in whatever time and place we exist, can do is the best we can do with whatever we have to work with at any given time.  

That's all that's expected of us, which is a good thing since we can't do anything else anyhow.

When it's time for us to choose our reactions, all we can do is the best we can do with what we have to work with.

The same goes for our kids and their kids and their kids and on and on and on.

Answers?

No.

Thoughts, feelings?

Yes.

I have been writing about people who lived a LONG time before our time. 

All they could do was the best they could do with what they had to work with at the time.

Some did good; others not so much.

It's the same with us.

It will be the same in the future generations.

We've seen enough changes in our lifetimes, created many of those changes our own selves as we went along, to have a mighty fine idea that there are a lot MORE changes coming up for those who follow us. Not all of those changes are going to be for the good.

Our world changes rapidly compared to a lot of the 'history' we know about that concerns the human race. In the USA we tend to forget that our nation is so very young. We 'learn' our 'history', or at least hear about bits and pieces of it, and think 'OH MY GOD THERE'S SO MUCH HERE HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO REMEMBER EVEN A FRACTION OF IT ALL?' - and spend even less time and effort giving even token interest in the rest of the world. 

Now you tell me: How self-centered is THAT?

Yeah I know, I'm one to talk. And that's true. Then again, I can only do the best I can do and am not going to go beating myself up over it at this stage in the game.

There are plenty of people in this world who DO know just about everything about everything, and I'm no competitor, never have been much interested in competitions. Let those who have the knowledge share it if they will. If they won't, oh well ... the rest of us will probably survive anyhow.

And the spiral goes 'round and 'round.

We choose our reactions.

The spiral is symbolic of Creation, did you know that? I just made it up so don't feel bad if you didn't already know. Of course, given that I keep finding out stuff that I thought I was making up is very old news, don't quote me as saying that I just made that up. For the moment, until I find out differently, I THINK I just made it up.

Regardless, it makes sense to me that the spiral should be the symbol of Creation.  

Where does a Universe begin? In the center of a spiral.

Where does a weather pattern that forms into storms begin? In the center of a spiral.

Where does an ocean wave begin? In the center of a spiral.

Where does a tornado begin? In the center of a spiral.

Where does a seashell begin, those roundy roundy ones? In the center of a spiral.

Where does human life begin? In our DNA, the double helix spiraling through every cell of our bodies.

Creation.

The center of the spiral.

We spend our lives adding turns to the spiral.

We will die at some point along the way, but the spiral will continue.

It goes 'round and 'round and 'round until the end of eternity, spinning and spinning and spinning.

We are, each and all of us, infinitely tiny little individual life-spirals making up our own part of the whole.

And does that make us insignificant?

Not by a long shot.

Each and all of us are responsible for our own part of things, no matter what our view of the larger spiral may be.

Don't you dare to think that there's anything the least bit insignificant about the choices each and all of us make every day of our lives. For good or for ill, every single solitary last one of those choices impacts not just you and me but many others.

You don't think so?

Find and watch some of the vids that are on line, the ones that show how one person's choice, one small moment, spreads like a center link in a chain reaction that fans out like wildfire. For good or for ill, my choices are liable to infect those around me. So are yours.

That's just the way it works.

Single moments can and do create spirals of their very own; your choice to give a smile to someone you don't even know might very well spiral its way along and make a dozen or a score or a hundred people smile in the course of one day, and you'll never ever know what you started. An impulsive act of kindness likewise. A grouchy frown the same. You get to choose your action but you don't really have much (anything, really) to say about what happens from then on as that smile or that scowl wends its way through the day.

Just sayin'.

All you can do is the best you can do with what you have to work with at any given time.

Think about the way a smile from someone makes you feel. That smile might be exactly what you need at the end of a painful day - and it might just be the smile YOU gave to somebody before your day turned nasty, come back to you. You just never can tell, can  you?

And so the spiral goes 'round and 'round and 'round.

It's been turning and turning and turning since the dawn of Creation and will continue to spin and spin and spin for Eternity, with our lives and our deaths marking our own little bits of it.

Yes I know this is a massive missive. It's been a long while since I've been able to just sit down and patter, so my mind is doing some spinning of its own. 

Actually, I'm procrastinating about beginning the next book I've got to write, the final of this set of five, the last of the Mamm Books. It's going to be a difficult one for me to write but I've got it to do and so I shall. But not tonight I think.

The stories of the books have a spiral of their very own, too. 

The times and places, and the People of those times and places, are set into fiction, but were very real. 

The choices they made, the stands they took, from the earliest memories of the oldest Character right through the present - each and all of them - have an impact on us today, just as the choices WE make and the stands WE take will have an impact on those who will come after us.

One of the most meaningful of the reactions I get from those who read the stories is, 'It makes me THINK.' Another reaction I get is, 'I feel as though I'm there and then,' followed by, 'When's the next one coming out so I can go back?' It makes me smile, because I understand.

What those who want to 'go back' (including me perhaps most of all) might not understand is that the stories, from the oldest memories to current events, are about now as well as then. Each and every person who reads them is one (or more) of the Characters and they will find themselves in the pages of the stories.

At any rate, it's past time for me to close this and try to get some rest. Tomorrow I will likely 'go back' - and will find joy, despair, laughter, grief, love, war ... who knows what they'll have in store for me, those Characters I've become so fond of? Yes they're fictional, but we are not - and ... you know ... they are US. One, or a combination of them, is YOU.

So be ready, stand steady - a moment is coming when you will have to take a stand. Choose your Song and when that moment comes, use your Voice. Your choices are just as important as the ones who came before us, and our united choices are going to set the scene for those who will come after.

We have a Legacy that is ours because others chose to live and to die to protect and preserve it. 

We are the Keepers now - and we ARE strong enough.

FAITH - FAMILY - FRIENDSHIP - FREEDOM - THE FUTURE

The Parts of the SONG

Choice

Creation, Life, Death, Eternity

Peace

Faith

Healing

Hope

Love

Unity

TOGETHER WE CAN STAND STRONGER.

MAKE YOUR CHOICE.

USE YOUR VOICE.

JUST DO IT.

Things Are Winding Down At the Fair

As this year's Wells County Fair reaches its 'winding down' time, it's hard to tell. What with the scads of people still coming and going to and from the midway and food stands, not to mention the NOISE of the demo derby going on directly behind my booth here, the Fair might well be only just beginning rather than winding up!

The scents from the Catholic Food Stand across the way waft on over, carrying a turkey dinner with all the fixings to make my mouth water. Even though I just finished one of those dinners and am in consequence not the least bit hungry (I probably won't be hungry for another three days after that!), the urge is strong to go back for seconds.

The day began with lovely blue skies and a hint of a breeze fluffing the little puffs up there. Now it's beginning to cloud over and the clouds are sporting deepening grey areas. No doubt it will rain. You can feel it in the freshening breeze, now strong enough to ruffle people's hair and set to motion tree branches.

People smile and laugh. A man walks by with a brightly colored balloon structure topping his head, two balloon-less younglings in tow. If they get separated, they will easily be able to find their father.

The Free Stage is quiet for the moment. Usually there's music emanating from that direction, and good music it is, too!

Most of the booths in our line-up are now empty, the vendors leaving early for one reason or another. I too will take my own leave this afternoon, but not quite yet I think.

When this brief time is over it will be time for me to get to work on both the accessories I've neglected creating and 'Mamm of Dunnottar'.

There's a sadness in me at the thought of writing this the finale of the 'Mamm Books', like the realization that your best friend will soon be moving on and out of your life.

Were it not for the knowledge that the Characters have many books yet to write (and will therefore remain in my life for quite a while) I think the sadness would be true grief. 

Be that as it may be, I see in many of the people passing in front of my booth the current images of the Characters I have come to love as individuals and as a People. 

Ach.

Now I'm getting sentimental and had better stop contemplating and get myself busy with packing my things up so I can get them loaded into my little old truck before the downpour arrives.

These days have been 'Hobo Moments' I do believe.

I am grateful to have had them.

'Small Town USA' Sold Out At Local Fair

Okay, I have two copies left, but one of them is mine and the other one is spoken for. I call that close enough to count.

Now the question is whether or not the locals who like the way I write newspaper feature articles can/will trust that same ability when it comes to the telling of stories from long ago and far away - I wonder how many will recognize themselves in the Characters of the SONG series? The family members of the original 'Cast' of course will see themselves pretty clearly - but as the Characters have morphed through the books, and others added as we go along, I'm finding that unexpected (though quite very welcome, believe me!) associations are surfacing which are strongly related to other people I either knew long ago or know now (or both) ... some are still more family members but many are connected to friends and/or acquaintances from over the years. 

If someone I know asks me, 'Did you put me into any of your books?' My answer would be, 'Read them. You'll recognize yourself in one of the Characters. Find the one that fits you and there you are!' They WILL find themselves within the pages of the books.

And that's it for this night. Tomorrow is going to be a fun and full day so I had best do what I can to prepare for it, like getting a good night's sleep.

Selling the books is a joy, but the greater joy lies in the conversations and hugs that go along with it, getting to spend even a few minutes talking with people I too rarely see, and thoroughly enjoying the heck out of it all!  

There are two days of this fair left ... I ought to have had more books on hand, sigh.

Bannocks - My Grandmother's Recipe (modified)

Now I can't claim to be any sort of marvelous cook but I do have a creative personality.

Not ALL of my experiments turn out well, but some do.

During the course of my research I found bannocks and I like the concept - not necessarily the fancy schmancy rounds they make into scones, mind you, but more along the line of a tasty nutritious cake that's easy to make.

And I figure bannocks and a creative mind ought to get along just fine.

In truth (I'm INFJ remember and allowing a misconception to develop goes against my grain) I found bannocks years ago.

Short on supplies but long on wanting something tasty to snack on, I used what I had on hand and baked up a nice little round cake. My then-young daughters loved it and asked me what it was. I just said, 'I don't know.' From then on that I don't know was a favorite, especially of mine. See, it was made of whatever was handy to use. If you had a recipe or knew ahead of time what you were going to put into it, it didn't really count as I don't know. 

When I found on line a 'recipe' for bannocks I had a twinge of disappointment. They're basically what I had been making all along.

*sigh*

Still, the thing is that creativity (and a working knowledge of what goes into cake and cookie making) is great!

This time I took my grandmother's old oatmeal cookie recipe and modified it, trying out an experiment. In my head, oatmeal and Scots go together - and I write books about Scotland's long time ago times. And my grandmother was a Gibson before she married a Branson.

Anyway, I made some awesome round flattish cakes out of the recipe.

Here's what I used:

one cup butter

one cup brown sugar (recipe called for half white, half brown - if I were going to be a stickler I'd have had to use something like maple sugar but I'm not THAT much of a stickler)

one cup flour (called for one and a quarter but I only used a scant cup and I didn't sift it, and should probably have used rye or oat or barley flour but didn't have any so phooey on that!)

one cup buttermilk (you can also use plain milk with a tablespoon of lemon juice or vinegar but I DID  use buttermilk since our little store actually had some)

one teaspoon soda

one teaspoon cinnamon (yes Kalann could have gotten cinnamon if he wanted it, in trade)

three cups oatmeal (called for one and a half but I wanted some substance to my experiment)

mixed it all up, sugar and butter first of course, and used a pie tin to cook it in (but not all the way to the edge of the tin), forming it into a nice round flat (about 1/2 inch thick in the center) cake - used a fork (tines flat) to firm the edges into a bit of a ridge around the outside of the round and make the center a little more shallow (because the outsides always cook faster than the center you know)

cooked it for 20-25 minutes (instead of the ten the recipe called for) in an oven at 350 instead of 375 degrees

And no I didn't forget the eggs. The recipe doesn't call for any.

And out came the most wonderful things ever!

The kids loved them (my niece's daughters this time instead of mine!) so I'll be making more tomorrow.

We cut them into wedges and lo and behold our bannock became eight scones.

Amazing transformation, that.

They aren't fancy but they're very VERY tasty!

I might make some to snack on this coming weekend while I'm doing the Book Launch at our County Fair, and share the recipe with anyone who wants it! 

So ... the jury came back with a positive verdict for THIS experiment! My grandmother would be happy and proud, and so would whoever SHE got the recipe from.

Basic and beautifully simple - and good for you to boot!

Not a Book Trailer This Time

I can't say that I quite really actually FORGOT how long it takes to turn a 'project' into a 'movie' - and i know I ought to have started it sooner, but ... 

*laughing*

It will be worth it.

I'm waiting for the completion of a little thing I put together out of some of the 'Character Development' photos - I discovered that unless I go ahead and finalize my projects into movies I might find parts missing from the draft and have to go back into my files and relocate the missing parts and put them back in - AND get rid of the 'holders' that mark the places those missing pieces are supposed to be.

Now I ask you:  If a program can 'hold' a spot for a certain photo or whatever, and have all the information right there so I can easily find the photo or whatever and put it back in, how come said program can't just keep said photo or whatever where it belongs in the FIRST place?

I would like to know.  

Figuratively speaking. 

I don't really want to know the specifics involved because I'm sure the whole thing is convoluted and complex.

What I really want is for the darned thing to keep things where I put them and then get the transition from project to movie done in like thirty seconds instead of hours and hours and hours. 

Phooey.

And I have two more to do tomorrow - like I don't already have enough to think about tomorrow!