Well Ya Know ...

Well

Ya know

The world

Aint gonna

Cooperate

With you

Just on

Your

Say

So

O

Indeed yes I do know that.

But sometimes the world can be rough on me; not many understand that. Almost everyone is clueless about the way things impact me. I do the best I can but the price I pay is enormous and so very few ‘get it’ that there are times I really DO need healing time.

I need time to find the strength to cope with what’s been thrown at me. I barely make it through sometimes.

That doesn’t mean I’m weak although I can most surely be weakened at times when the highly charged emotions of others are suddenly my own. When the hurting of another person floods me without warning, the sensation can freeze me in my tracks figuratively speaking and sometimes literally. It will take me a moment to get my shield up, so to speak. During that brief moment the wounds can go deep … and so I am weakened just when I’m called on to offer my best to another. Drawing strength from a position of weakness takes a lot out of me but do it I must.

And that leaves me with very little to go with. Regaining both what has been taken by the wounding and given by the sharing … it doesn’t just happen automatically nor immediately. It takes time and a degree of focus.

So yeah, I need healing time. It’s not optional.

I also need time prepare myself for the ‘next round’.

When I know ahead of time that a challenge lies ahead it behooves me to prepare as best I can for it.

When the two are conjunctional the combination might immobilize me and I know it.

Preventing that from happening means taking the time to both heal and prepare.

It’s taken me a very long time to realize that I can’t keep pushing myself and allowing others to push me beyond the point of challenge to that of defeat.

When my internal resources are depleted, nobody wins.

People don’t really ‘get’ that.

When I garner the courage it takes to try to tell even a few that I’m INFJ, an ‘empath’ if you will, and of those few even fewer realize what it means or care to learn; when their main concern is that I do what I do and do it well (oblivious to what it costs me) … well, it doesn’t do much to encourage me to try any more to get through to people.

I still do what I do – it’s instinctive and I can’t just turn it on and off or believe me I would. And I pay the price. The additional price of being judged ought not to be part of the deal, but it is.

I don’t expect the world to accommodate me; I do my best to adjust to the needs and concerns of others. The fact that there’s no reciprocity, or very little, is the norm – you’d think I’d get used to it, but it still stings.

If I had a condition people could relate to, or a physically obvious characteristic (pointy ears maybe?), they might pay more attention and be more accepting when my need to recover trumps their need for me to perform.

What’s instinctive to me is impossible to most of the rest of the world. No wonder nobody understands or cares.

Pffft.

All I can do is the best I can do so I’d best 

JUST DO IT.

And damn the torpedoes.