THINKING ABOUT FAMILY MATTERS

I'm not sure exactly how I'm feeling at the moment, which is a bit rare these days. 

Being worried about Mom is kind of a given, since she just had surgery on her eye at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN.  She said it went well and they think they got all of the questionable tissue removed, and she says it isn't hurting her which is good news.  Still, the worry isn't going to be quieted any time soon. 

My sister D is with her and they're on their way home now; Mom will go home to her place in the Forks and D will come on here to our home town. 

One side effect of the whole thing is that I want to spend more time on my artwork - Mom was a tremendous talent but now she isn't doing very much in that area as her years advance. 

She's twenty years older than I am.  I ought to be able to count on producing for about that long, but the issues with my own eye make me fearful that I won't have that much time - and I have a lot of portraits I want to get done, along with other things.  It's just that the portraits mean more to me than anything I've ever done; I want to get them right and I want to get them done, as many as I possibly can. 

So all of that is on my mind; I worry about Mom's eye, and my own, and what it means to have the use of them - something taken for granted instead of USED. 

Then there's my dad to think about. 

He abandoned us forty years ago but is still our father. 

One or more of us girls need to go down to the nursing home where he is and take care of some of his business ASAP.  D will go; I will go; I don't know if M will go; I don't know for sure where B is or how to reach her.  He isn't getting any younger or stronger.  I don't know that he will even recognize me - except that he will know my eyes and so I will share them with him and he might find a comfort in them. 

Right now I'm feeling that 'role reversal' they talk about, and D has to be feeling it even more. 

At any rate, my plate is full and heavy today as is my heart. 

I called in to let them know I won't be at work this afternoon; I'm waiting out the day to make sure Mom gets home safely, and then for D to get home too, and I need to get through to where dad lives this afternoon.  That's enough for me. 

To ease my soul while I wait, I'm going to rest myself for a while here and then hopefully go into my artwork where I can also rest, only productively.