Sleeping on things after having thought about them and pattered on them sometimes brings clarity and definition. Give my brain the givens and it figures it out in my sleep.
Here's an example of what I mean:
*I've been needing and wanting a change for some time now, that's one given.
*I adore and mightily miss my daughters and the younglings, that's a given.
*I love my home, my sisters, my dog, and my job - in that order - that's another given. I don't want to have to give them up entirely.
*My go-to place at times like this in my life has always been UND, that's a given.
Those are the givens my brain had to work with last night as I slept.
Always before I've been essentially running for my life when I've headed for UND.
I have to remember that this time is different in that way. For the first time ever I won't have to leave behind everything and everyone I love where I'm AT in order to get to where I'm GOING.
Believe me, for a person like me that's an incredibly difficult concept to accept. It's taken some conscious and sub-conscious cogitating (thinking, pattering, sleeping) to even bring it to my attention.
And so the thought surfaces: What if ... just WHAT IF ... I could have BOTH?
As soon as that phrase 'What if...' popped up I knew I was going to figure out a way to make it happen. From here on it's just a matter of logistics.
Having a CNA work schedule that finally allows me some 'down time' means a couple of things to me:
1) I'm getting more rest
2) More re-charging time (pattering, artwork, etc.)
3) More energy
4) More time to think
5) More time to evaluate and assess
6) More time to research
7) More time to follow up
****
AND
****
IF I do it right, I'll have the time and energy to invest in lending a hand to whatever projects at UND or the Greater Grand Forks Area I take an interest in.
See, the thing is that I CAN do both. I don't have to LIVE in the Forks in order to be involved there. This time I have a safe home of my own; I'm not running for my life.
I can do quite a bit in just the time that I have in between my CNA shifts.
It's a win-win.
I'll be more relaxed and happy as a CNA and I'll also be meeting my own needs to 1) have family time 2) be doing something good for someone else 3) keep my home intact 4) work on my own projects.
If/when something changes, so be it.
For right now I'm looking at nothing more than simply re-introducing myself to Grand Forks.
I can do that by just going there and literally introducing myself at the Women's Center, at Conflict Resolution, at the Office of the President (that's where the Ombudsperson thing is coming out of), at Alpha Chi (the girls there now will be different from the last time I was there, remember), and take it from there.
I have to be in the Cities the end of this month so I've got a little time to play with here. April would be a good time for me to start the introducing myself thing, although I can certainly do emails and phone calls before then if I get in a great big hurry about it.
One of the biggest factors is that I'll have regularly scheduled time in the Forks - say every other Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday as that fits perfectly into my CNA schedule and allows me some home time - so my daughters will know I'll be there and we can make plans. I'm deliberately keeping my non-CNA weekends free because (finances permitting) that's when I'd be making any trips to the Cities to see Tess and Matt.
See what I mean?
A little thinking.
A little pattering.
A little sleeping.
Voila!
Win-win.
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