I saw a video clip of Dr. Peter Saul talking about the choices we make, or fail to make, regarding our own end of life care.
He reminds us that with increasing longevity comes not more years of youth but more years of old age, and that frailty comes to us all.
Dr. Saul refers to two of the most imortant questions of our lives: 1) If you can't speak for yourself, who do you want speaking for you? and, 2) Have you talked to that person about what your wishes are should that time come?
My personal interpretation of his message is that all of us are responsible for making choices not only about our lives as we go along through them, but about the ends of our lives. I'm not talking about suicide or euthenasia, but about the fact that each and all of us need to take just a little time (while we have it) to prepare ourselves and our loved ones for the ultimate inevitability of life - it ends sooner or later. HOW it ends is up to us for the most part, barring violence or a natural disaster of some kind.
There are information packets available at any medical facility that explain the options and procedures involved, and access is as easy as stopping in and requesting the information. The forms will make you think, and give you a format through which to make your wishes known in case you're ever in a position where you can't speak or write them in person.
More important than filling out forms is making sure those closest to you know in no uncertain terms exactly what it is that YOU want for YOURSELF when your time comes. Tell them flat out and put it in writing so there's no chance for misunderstanding.
The thing is that, except for the thinking about it and making your choices, the whole process need take only a few minutes. Once you've gotten it straight in your mind, write it down and then tell those who need to know, giving them copies of your written words.
If you leave it up to others to decide, without having given them any type of guidance, you aren't being fair. So just do it and get it over with. Then you and your family don't have to think about it again until the time comes sometime down the road - and when that time DOES come they will know what to do, which will relieve them of much stress in what will no doubt already be a stressful time. It won't be THEIR call, but YOURS.
For the record, my choice is simple. No interference whatsoever, period end of discussion. Nothing. This goes beyond "No Code" and "DNR (Do Not Resuscitate)" for me. It means render no aid and I mean that literally.
I cannot afford and flatly REFUSE to accrue the bills associated with even one day of a hospital stay or an emergency room visit, let alone a nursing home or hospice care. Finances aside, I figure my life is my own to do with as I please, to the very end. I accept the responsiblity for my own choices - AND I accept the responsibility for seeing to my own health and well-being to the best of my ability.
I am most assuredly not averse to life! I love mine and fully intend to live it to its utmost. That means that I try to take the best possible care of myself that I can. When I'm up on my roof, I'm not likely to fall off and break my neck because when I'm up there I'm CAREFUL. I take precautions to protect myself. I accept the fact that it's MY responsibility to prevent both accidents and illnesses. If I fail, I die. It's as simple as that. It's nobody's responsibility but my own to keep me going.
Keep in mind that where a person is on their 'life-line' makes a big difference in what their choices will be. A young parent with a family to raise would probably NOT make the same choices that I've made, nor should they (in my opinion,they need every possible chance they can get to raise those families and live their lives fully). I work in a nursing home and on more than one occasion I've had someone tell me that they wished the thousands of dollars being spent to keep them there every month could be going instead to a young family who needs it, or to put someone through college. True. More than one person has told me that. I never want to be in a position where I would be saying the same sort of thing. I love my job and I love my people more than I can say ... it's just ... thought-provoking at times.
My daughters are well aware of my choices and they know the words to say should they get a question from someone someday: "Let her go." Or, more likely, and I'm laughing aloud as I write this, they'll say: "Let 'er RIP, Mom!!!" (so very PUNNY we are!) along with: "You GO girl!" and: "I love you, remember the rules!" or "On the road again!" Because they know that, relatively speaking, it will after all be only a brief separation for us.
Ha. Little do they know; it will be no separation at all seeing as how once I have my wings ... I'll be there.
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