STILL AAAAAUGH !!
TIME TO MOVE ON TO A SECOND ATTEMPT I THINK ... SIGH ...
Friday, July 5, 2013
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
WE ARE NOT EQUIPMENT; WE ARE NOT ROBOTS; WE ARE PEOPLE
When are we going to figure out that we are human beings, not droids that can just keep on and on and on?
I am not innocent here. God knows I've put in monstrous hours doing the job so that the job would GET done. Because the job has to be done and somebody has to do it.
That, my friend, translates to the people who WILL do it end up being the ones who HAVE to do it - or it won't get done at all ... and some things just flat out can NOT be left undone.
It's all well and good for me to realize that I have almost killed myself on more occasions than I care to think about too deeply - getting the job done because I CAN and I WILL.
That's me, and those days, for me, are pretty much history.
When I see young people I care about doing the same thing, it just makes me mad.
Not at THEM, mind you, because ... well because they are the ones who CAN and WILL. But I know the price they have to pay and it hurts me deep inside. If I could, I would step in and do it for them - but I can't and that too pains me.
Venting is good for a person they say, so this ought to do me some good.
It hasn't worked yet as I am still angry at the situations that come up in our lives which require us to go that extra mile. Mile and a half. Two or three or a hundred miles sometimes.
We drive ourselves so far beyond the breaking point that we lose sight of the fact that there even WAS a point where we could have and should have said NO.
Ach.
That's enough of that topic.
I have a portrait to finish.
I am not innocent here. God knows I've put in monstrous hours doing the job so that the job would GET done. Because the job has to be done and somebody has to do it.
That, my friend, translates to the people who WILL do it end up being the ones who HAVE to do it - or it won't get done at all ... and some things just flat out can NOT be left undone.
It's all well and good for me to realize that I have almost killed myself on more occasions than I care to think about too deeply - getting the job done because I CAN and I WILL.
That's me, and those days, for me, are pretty much history.
When I see young people I care about doing the same thing, it just makes me mad.
Not at THEM, mind you, because ... well because they are the ones who CAN and WILL. But I know the price they have to pay and it hurts me deep inside. If I could, I would step in and do it for them - but I can't and that too pains me.
Venting is good for a person they say, so this ought to do me some good.
It hasn't worked yet as I am still angry at the situations that come up in our lives which require us to go that extra mile. Mile and a half. Two or three or a hundred miles sometimes.
We drive ourselves so far beyond the breaking point that we lose sight of the fact that there even WAS a point where we could have and should have said NO.
Ach.
That's enough of that topic.
I have a portrait to finish.
THINKING ABOUT FAMILY MATTERS
I'm not sure exactly how I'm feeling at the moment, which is a bit rare these days.
Being worried about Mom is kind of a given, since she just had surgery on her eye at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN. She said it went well and they think they got all of the questionable tissue removed, and she says it isn't hurting her which is good news. Still, the worry isn't going to be quieted any time soon.
My sister D is with her and they're on their way home now; Mom will go home to her place in the Forks and D will come on here to our home town.
One side effect of the whole thing is that I want to spend more time on my artwork - Mom was a tremendous talent but now she isn't doing very much in that area as her years advance.
She's twenty years older than I am. I ought to be able to count on producing for about that long, but the issues with my own eye make me fearful that I won't have that much time - and I have a lot of portraits I want to get done, along with other things. It's just that the portraits mean more to me than anything I've ever done; I want to get them right and I want to get them done, as many as I possibly can.
So all of that is on my mind; I worry about Mom's eye, and my own, and what it means to have the use of them - something taken for granted instead of USED.
Then there's my dad to think about.
He abandoned us forty years ago but is still our father.
One or more of us girls need to go down to the nursing home where he is and take care of some of his business ASAP. D will go; I will go; I don't know if M will go; I don't know for sure where B is or how to reach her. He isn't getting any younger or stronger. I don't know that he will even recognize me - except that he will know my eyes and so I will share them with him and he might find a comfort in them.
Right now I'm feeling that 'role reversal' they talk about, and D has to be feeling it even more.
At any rate, my plate is full and heavy today as is my heart.
I called in to let them know I won't be at work this afternoon; I'm waiting out the day to make sure Mom gets home safely, and then for D to get home too, and I need to get through to where dad lives this afternoon. That's enough for me.
To ease my soul while I wait, I'm going to rest myself for a while here and then hopefully go into my artwork where I can also rest, only productively.
Being worried about Mom is kind of a given, since she just had surgery on her eye at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN. She said it went well and they think they got all of the questionable tissue removed, and she says it isn't hurting her which is good news. Still, the worry isn't going to be quieted any time soon.
My sister D is with her and they're on their way home now; Mom will go home to her place in the Forks and D will come on here to our home town.
One side effect of the whole thing is that I want to spend more time on my artwork - Mom was a tremendous talent but now she isn't doing very much in that area as her years advance.
She's twenty years older than I am. I ought to be able to count on producing for about that long, but the issues with my own eye make me fearful that I won't have that much time - and I have a lot of portraits I want to get done, along with other things. It's just that the portraits mean more to me than anything I've ever done; I want to get them right and I want to get them done, as many as I possibly can.
So all of that is on my mind; I worry about Mom's eye, and my own, and what it means to have the use of them - something taken for granted instead of USED.
Then there's my dad to think about.
He abandoned us forty years ago but is still our father.
One or more of us girls need to go down to the nursing home where he is and take care of some of his business ASAP. D will go; I will go; I don't know if M will go; I don't know for sure where B is or how to reach her. He isn't getting any younger or stronger. I don't know that he will even recognize me - except that he will know my eyes and so I will share them with him and he might find a comfort in them.
Right now I'm feeling that 'role reversal' they talk about, and D has to be feeling it even more.
At any rate, my plate is full and heavy today as is my heart.
I called in to let them know I won't be at work this afternoon; I'm waiting out the day to make sure Mom gets home safely, and then for D to get home too, and I need to get through to where dad lives this afternoon. That's enough for me.
To ease my soul while I wait, I'm going to rest myself for a while here and then hopefully go into my artwork where I can also rest, only productively.
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
NOT Staying Up All Night Tonight
It isn't that I don't want to stay up and work on the projects I've got going, but I'm dead tired and need some rest if I'm going to make it through my up-coming work shifts, including an extra one that they snuck in on my schedule.
Just lately I've been working on portrait experimentation during my night hours - because I can't get any of my rooms dark enough to use my little projector thing during the day...
It's addictive!
So many things I want to try, so little time!
But not tonight.
Huh.
I said that the OTHER night, and have been up to see the sun rise every night since.
But NO!
NOT TONIGHT!!!
Tonight I sleep.
Just lately I've been working on portrait experimentation during my night hours - because I can't get any of my rooms dark enough to use my little projector thing during the day...
It's addictive!
So many things I want to try, so little time!
But not tonight.
Huh.
I said that the OTHER night, and have been up to see the sun rise every night since.
But NO!
NOT TONIGHT!!!
Tonight I sleep.
Huh. Gonna Have To Organize This Hodgepodge Some More I See
This blog has a really wide assortment of post themes going on, so I'm going to do some sorting and filing with it I do believe. I already have a bunch of them: Artwork, Youth Fiction, Mystic, Photography, Poetry, Domestic Violence, and the family searches.
The variety I maintain in my life continues to astound me. For now I think I'll sort out the Projects and Politics.
The variety I maintain in my life continues to astound me. For now I think I'll sort out the Projects and Politics.
Twisted Copper Wire Torque (Torc)
Just because I want to, I'm trying to make a torc out of copper wire. Thin copper wire.
I cut a bunch of it to equal lengths, twisted three strands together and then twisted THOSE together.
I cut a bunch of it to equal lengths, twisted three strands together and then twisted THOSE together.
Once my blister was mostly healed I figured I should shoot for a callous and made another of the above and twisted the two of them together.
I've got one more, just like the first two, to go and I'll call it good enough for a first try - once I get the final wrapping on and the ends finished.
It's lighter than I thought it would be, flexible, and comfortable. It's not a perfectly flat circle; the back gets bent down a little and so do the ends.
Right up until it turns my neck green I think I'm going to like it.
Monday, July 1, 2013
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